Parenting is a Pursuit. Each day, the challenges change as our teenage children develop and learn to trust themselves with their decisions. Today, we want to focus on what it takes to build resiliency in our children, teens, and young adults. Let’s look at six areas that we can focus on for raising resilient children.
Parenting Tips for Resiliency
Modeling
You may have heard the phrase, “more is caught than taught.” In other words, your child (and teen!) is watching you and learning from you all the time – most often when you are least expecting it. The encouraging news is, however, that parents have the opportunity to model healthy ways of coping with stress, uncertainty, and challenges. Consider these questions so you can model what you want to see in your children.
What am I learning?
What hard thing am I currently engaging in?
How can I normalize that struggle is a normal part of life?
Chores
It is common for children to have chores that contribute to the household. Chores can help a child feel that they belong to something bigger than themselves, and is often a “good remedy” for the character development of our teens. Some families even find it helpful to think of themselves as “teams” with a shared goal of completing a task. Consider the following questions when approaching chores with your family:
Ask: “How can we work together to accomplish this task?”
What can my child do for themselves?
What life skills does my teen need to learn this academic year?
What responsibilities does my young adult have in our home?
Mentor
Mentors can have a profound impact on the way we show up in the world, and often give us clues to who we desire to be. If our hope, as parents, is to help our children become more resilient, bringing in other adults or older students to serve as role models will be pivotal – especially when our children hit the middle and high school years. Take time to consider what your child needs or desires to grow in, and make a list that includes teachers, coaches, counselors, youth workers, etc.
What environments or mentors could I surround my child (or myself) with that model hard work and GRIT?
What books or movies have role models that demonstrate perseverence?
Let Them Lead
One of the more challenging areas for parents can be letting their children learn to lead themselves and learn from their choices. A common misconception is that this means that a parent becomes passive and allows their teen to walk over them. However, letting a child lead is more about letting them become who they were meant to be in the world.
Am I allowing my child to be on their own pursuit?
Ask: “What do you think is the (wise, loving, etc) thing to do?”
Ask: “What do you think you should do?”
Growth Mindset
When we embrace a growth mindset in our families, we take time to focus on the progress rather than the results. It’s encouraging the discipline, hard work, and effort it took to grow in an area. It’s less about the desired outcome, and more about what your teen (or you!) did differently to make progress. If we are not utilizing a growth mindset with our children, you may notice yourself becoming discouraged or disappointed more often.
What is my relationship to failure?
Am I allowing natural consequences or am I stepping in to prevent failure?
Ask: “What do you think would be a good solution for ______?”
Healthy Risk
Our own relationship with risk and fear can greatly influence the types of experiences we allow our children to have. In order to better understand how to give our children opportunities that will help them develop resilience, we may need to first check in with ourselves, and what we believe we can control. What we do know, however, is that teens who are allowed an opportunity to take healthy risks are less likely to engage in “risky behavior”.
How can I take a step back and allow my teen to take healthy risks?
What opportunities could give my child a sense of adventure?
Resources for Resiliency
Books
How to Raise An Adult by Julie Lythcott-Haims
GRIT by Angela Duckworth
Daring Greatly: how the courage to be vulnerable transforms the way we live, love, parent, and lead by Brene Brown
Rising Strong by Brene Brown
Raising Mentally Strong Kids by Dr. Daniel Amen & Dr Charles Fay
The Gifts of Imperfect Parenting: Raising Children with Courage, Compassion, and Connection (audiobook) by Brene Brown
Good Inside by Dr. Becky Kennedy
Parenting with Love and Logic by Dr. Foster Cline and Jim Fay
Family Movies
Parent Podcasts:
About Us
At The Pursuit, a group of experienced therapists have come together to offer best-in-class counseling services. We prioritize clinical theory, non-judgmental approaches, and effective interventions, treatment plans, and coping skills. We have therapists who specialize in different areas and we strive to find the best match for your unique needs. Are you ready to take the first step in your Pursuit towards a happier, healthier you? We invite you to book your free 20-minute consultation with one of our skilled therapists. Don’t wait; it’s time to invest in your well-being. Simply Book Now to start your Pursuit toward personal growth and positive change today. Keep reading if you want to learn more about Life Transitions.
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