THE CLIMB

Disclaimer: While we are not fighter pilots ourselves, we have had the honor of working with them for over 15 years. We have learned so much from their discipline, resilience, and the systems they use to manage high-pressure situations. These lessons have proven to be valuable for anyone looking to navigate the complexities of personal life, marriage, parenting, and mental health. Applying Precision and Protocols to Civilian Life is a necessary step for success.

When you think of fighter pilots, what comes to mind? Precision, discipline, and split-second decision-making? Fighter pilots operate in high-stakes environments where safety protocols are essential for survival and mission success. But these protocols aren’t just useful in the cockpit; they hold incredible value in civilian life too.

Life Lessons from Fighter Pilots

Take, for example, Major Jake Carter (name changed for privacy). After retiring from a decorated career in the Air Force, Jake came to counseling to navigate the challenges of transitioning to civilian life. He quickly realized that many of the protocols that kept him safe in the skies could help him build a thriving personal life on the ground. Here are the parallels he discovered—and how they might help you too.

Pre-Flight Checks: Starting Each Day with Intention

Fighter pilots meticulously inspect their aircraft before every flight, ensuring that every system is operational. Jake applied this principle to his daily life by creating a “life readiness checklist.” Each morning, he asked himself:

• Did I get enough sleep?
• Am I physically and mentally ready for today’s challenges?
• What are my priorities for the day?

Jake also used this approach in his marriage. Before engaging in difficult conversations with his wife, Sarah, he’d check in with himself emotionally to ensure he could approach the discussion calmly and constructively.

Takeaway: A morning routine or emotional “pre-check” can help you approach your day with clarity and focus.

Formation Flying: Teamwork in Relationships

Formation flying requires precision and trust. Each fighter pilot must maintain their position while working in harmony with others. Jake likened his marriage to flying in formation. He and Sarah began scheduling weekly “team debriefs” to review their relationship, parenting strategies, and shared goals.

During these debriefs, they focused on what was working well and where they could improve—without blame or defensiveness. This habit strengthened their communication and reinforced their sense of partnership.

Takeaway: Regular “debriefs” in your relationships can foster trust, alignment, and mutual growth.

G-Force Management: Handling Stress and Big Emotions

Fighter pilots endure extreme G-forces during high-speed maneuvers. To prevent blacking out, they wear anti-G suits and practice specialized breathing techniques. Jake realized he needed similar tools to manage the “G-forces” of civilian life: work stress, parenting challenges, and emotional strain.

He began practicing mindfulness and using controlled breathing to stay calm under pressure. When his son, Ethan, had a meltdown, Jake resisted the urge to react impulsively. Instead, he used his breathing techniques to remain patient and guide Ethan through the situation.

Takeaway: Stress management techniques, like mindfulness and controlled breathing, can help you stay grounded during life’s challenges.

Emergency Protocols: Preparing for Parenting Crises

Fighter pilots train extensively for emergencies, from engine failures to ejection procedures. Jake brought this mindset into parenting. When his daughter spilled paint all over the carpet, he treated it like an in-flight emergency: assess the damage, stay calm, and take action.

Instead of losing his temper, Jake involved his daughter in the cleanup, turning the accident into a teaching moment about responsibility and problem-solving.

Takeaway: Being prepared for life’s inevitable “emergencies” can help you respond with calm and intention rather than frustration.

Post-Flight Debriefs: Reflecting on Growth

After every mission, fighter pilots participate in detailed debriefs to analyze performance and identify areas for improvement. Jake adopted this habit in his personal life, taking time each evening to reflect on the day. He asked himself:

• What went well?
• What could I have handled differently?
• What am I grateful for?

He also practiced this with his wife, using debriefs to improve their communication and connection after disagreements.

Takeaway: Reflection fosters growth, self-awareness, and a mindset of continual improvement.

Operational Risk Management: Balancing Priorities

In the military, fighter pilots evaluate risks before every mission. Jake applied this principle to civilian life, especially when balancing work and family. Before taking on additional responsibilities, he asked himself:

• Will this align with my values?
• What impact will this have on my family?

This approach helped him prioritize what truly mattered and avoid overcommitting.

Takeaway: Thoughtful risk assessment can help you make intentional decisions that align with your goals and values.

Continual Training: Investing in Mental Health

Fighter pilots train continuously to stay sharp. Jake carried this mindset into his mental health journey. He embraced therapy as an opportunity to “retrain” his emotional responses and develop new skills for managing stress and relationships.

He also attended workshops at The Eden Project with Sarah to strengthen their parenting and communication. This commitment to growth transformed his family life.

Takeaway: Investing in your mental health is like training for life’s missions—it prepares you to navigate challenges with resilience and skill.

Final Thoughts

Jake’s story reminds us that the principles that guide fighter pilots—discipline, preparation, and teamwork—can help anyone create a more intentional and fulfilling life. Whether it’s starting your day with a “life-readiness checklist” or reflecting on your growth through a personal debrief, these practices can lead to healthier relationships, better parenting, and a stronger sense of purpose.

You don’t need to be a fighter pilot to live with this kind of focus and intentionality. You just need the courage to learn, adapt, and grow. After all, life’s greatest mission is worth preparing for.

Are you ready to chart a new course for your life? At The Pursuit Counseling, we’re here to help you navigate life’s challenges as a retired fighter pilot with clarity and resilience. Reach out to us today and take the first step in your pursuit of a healthier, more intentional life. We work with many Delta pilots, Army, Air Force, Navy, Coast Guard and Marines.