Life is filled with relationships that shape and transform us, yet not all of these relationships last forever. Whether through loss, changes in seasons, or intentional boundaries, endings often carry grief that requires resolution. The “empty chair” technique, a cornerstone of Gestalt therapy, offers a path toward closure—helping us process emotions, gain insights, and ultimately heal.
Dr. Henry Cloud, in his book Necessary Endings, reminds us that “Endings are not only part of life; they are a requirement for living and thriving.” His words speak to the heart of the matter: closure isn’t about forgetting the past but about freeing ourselves to live fully in the present.
What is the Empty Chair Technique?
The empty chair technique involves imagining a significant person—whether living or deceased—sitting across from you in an empty chair. In this therapeutic exercise, you speak openly to this person, expressing thoughts and feelings that may have gone unsaid. The exercise creates a symbolic space for understanding, forgiveness, or the release of lingering emotions.
This technique is particularly effective for processing grief, resolving relational wounds, or seeking closure when a direct conversation is impossible or unwise.
Empty Chair Therapy: Heal Your Past, Improve Your Future
Facilitating the Empty Chair Experience
There are several creative and therapeutic ways to facilitate this technique, both in therapy sessions and on your own:
1. Speaking Directly to the Chair
Imagine the person seated in the empty chair. Some clients even find bringing a picture of the person can be helpful. Allow yourself to speak freely, and give yourself permission to state your true feelings. Consider using “I statements” to facilitate difficult emotions. “I feel __________when/because_________________.”
2. Journaling Your Empty Chair Conversation
If speaking aloud feels overwhelming, writing can be equally as therapeutic. Dr. Cloud writes, “Writing brings clarity and understanding in a way that thinking alone cannot.” Journal your conversation as if the person were sitting across from you. Sometimes writing it down first can give you the confidence you need to speak it out loud, or as author Anne Lamott puts it, “The first draft is the child’s draft, where you let it all pour out and then let it romp all over the place.”
3. Asking Questions for Reflection
Closure often requires introspection. Here are a few questions that can help guide your process:
- What unfinished business do I have with this person?
- How has this relationship shaped my growth?
- What do I need to release to move forward in my mind, emotions, and body?
- How can I honor what was good while accepting the ending?
4. Creating Rituals for Closure
Sometimes a symbolic action helps solidify emotional release. Consider reading your journal entry aloud and then safely discarding it, lighting a candle in remembrance, or engaging in a meaningful activity that symbolizes letting go, such as releasing a balloon into the sky.
The Importance of Closure
Dr. Cloud wisely notes, “There is a season for everything—and when one season ends, we must do the hard work of ending it well.” The empty chair technique honors this wisdom by giving voice to unresolved emotions, allowing you to acknowledge the ending while moving forward with grace and renewed strength.
A Gentle Invitation
To the women navigating grief and seeking closure, know this: your heart is worthy of healing. Whether you try the empty chair technique on your own or with the guidance of a therapist, trust that clarity and peace are possible. Allow yourself to feel, express, and release. Healing comes not from avoiding the pain but from leaning into it with courage.
May this exercise be a step toward embracing new beginnings.
At The Pursuit, we believe in empowering you to live your best life. Located in Fayetteville, GA near Town at Trilith and Trilith Studios, our team of skilled therapists is dedicated to providing exceptional, personalized counseling services. Whether you’re seeking support for life transitions, anxiety, trauma, or personal growth, we prioritize evidence-based strategies, compassion, and tailored treatment plans to meet your unique needs.
Your journey toward a happier, healthier, and more fulfilling life begins here. Ready to take the first step? Click “Book Now” to start your Pursuit of meaningful change and personal growth.
Continue reading to explore how The Pursuit can help you navigate life’s challenges with confidence and clarity.
By Mary Laughlin APC
