THE CLIMB

In leadership and family life, emotions play a pivotal role in shaping decisions, relationships, and outcomes. Yet, many male leaders may not realize how deeply their core feelings impact their ability to lead effectively at work and connect meaningfully at home. By understanding these core feelings—sadness, anger, fear, shame, guilt, loneliness, and joy—you can develop deeper self-awareness and build stronger, more authentic connections.

The Seven Core Feelings Defined

1. Sadness: Often linked to loss or unmet expectations, sadness can feel heavy and isolating. For male leaders, sadness might manifest as frustration over missed opportunities or regret for time lost with family due to work demands.
2. Anger: A response to perceived injustice or unmet needs, anger can energize or alienate. In the workplace, unchecked anger might result in harsh feedback, while at home, it can create tension in family dynamics.
3. Fear: Rooted in uncertainty or perceived threats, fear can hinder decision-making or breed self-doubt. Leaders might hesitate to take calculated risks or avoid addressing sensitive topics.
4. Shame: The belief that one is inherently flawed, shame can undermine confidence. Business leaders might avoid vulnerability, fearing judgment or rejection.
5. Guilt: Arising from actions or inactions that violate personal values, guilt can motivate positive change or weigh heavily on one’s mental health. Leaders often feel guilt over prioritizing work over family.
6. Loneliness: Despite being surrounded by colleagues and family, leaders may experience profound isolation, especially if they feel misunderstood or unable to share their struggles.
7. Joy: The only positive core feeling, joy stems from connection, accomplishment, and gratitude. Leaders who tap into joy often inspire and energize those around them.

Core Feelings at Work: The Leadership Lens

Core feelings show up in various ways within the workplace:

• Sadness: A leader grieving over a failed project may appear disengaged or overly critical, struggling to process their disappointment.
• Anger: A manager’s frustration with underperformance might result in micromanagement or strained team morale.
• Fear: Avoiding innovation or difficult conversations due to fear of failure can stifle growth and erode trust.
• Shame: A leader avoiding feedback or transparency may miss opportunities to improve and connect with their team.
• Guilt: Overworking to compensate for perceived shortcomings may lead to burnout and reduced productivity.
• Loneliness: Leaders who lack peer support might feel overwhelmed, making it harder to inspire and guide their teams.
• Joy: Leaders who celebrate successes and express gratitude cultivate a positive and motivated workplace culture.

Core Feelings at Home: The Family Connection

For male leaders, core feelings also influence family dynamics:

• Sadness: Suppressing sadness can create emotional distance, making it harder for children and partners to feel connected.
• Anger: Unmanaged anger might result in harsh discipline or conflict with a spouse, eroding trust and safety at home.
• Fear: Fear of vulnerability can prevent meaningful conversations with loved ones, leading to missed opportunities for connection.
• Shame: A father who feels inadequate might overcompensate by being overly critical or distant.
• Guilt: Missing milestones or family events can fuel guilt, leading to overindulgence or inconsistency in parenting.
• Loneliness: Without emotional outlets, leaders might struggle to feel supported, impacting their presence at home.
• Joy: Sharing joyful moments, such as family traditions or milestones, strengthens bonds and creates lasting memories.

The Feelings Wheel

Many of our male clients are just learning about their feelings and how they impact their daily lives. For most guys, learning to accept that feelings are important is a big jump from where we currently are. This is why we have a great version of the feelings wheel to help us learn. Check out this blog to learn more.

A Story of Transformation: Learning to Lead with Emotional Awareness

John (name changed for privacy) was a CEO who came to therapy feeling overwhelmed. At work, he struggled with perfectionism, often reacting harshly to mistakes. At home, his teenage children described him as distant and unapproachable. Despite his professional success, John felt lonely and disconnected.

Through therapy, John began identifying his core feelings. He realized that his anger stemmed from unacknowledged sadness and fear. For example, his frustration at work was tied to fear of failure and a deep sense of shame from childhood experiences of being criticized for mistakes. At home, he recognized that his distance was a defense mechanism to avoid feelings of inadequacy as a father.

John learned strategies to process and express his emotions constructively. He practiced mindfulness to recognize his triggers and engaged in open conversations with his family about his feelings. At work, he adopted a coaching approach, using empathy and curiosity instead of criticism to address team challenges. Over time, John noticed profound changes: his team became more collaborative, and his family described him as more present and compassionate.

Practical Steps for Leaders to Harness Core Feelings

1. Self-Reflection: Take time to identify and name your emotions. Journaling or working with a therapist can help you gain clarity.
2. Emotional Regulation: Develop tools, such as mindfulness or breathing exercises, to manage intense feelings before reacting.
3. Vulnerability: Practice sharing your feelings with trusted colleagues and family members to build deeper connections.
4. Celebrate Joy: Make space for gratitude and celebration, both at work and at home, to foster positivity and connection.
5. Seek Support: Therapy or leadership coaching can provide a safe space to explore and address core feelings.

The Pursuit of Authentic Leadership

Understanding and addressing core feelings isn’t just about personal growth—it’s about becoming a more authentic, effective leader and a more present, connected family member. At The Pursuit Counseling, we guide leaders like John in navigating their emotions, fostering deeper self-awareness, and building stronger relationships at work and home.

If you’re ready to explore how your core feelings impact your leadership and relationships, contact us today. Together, we’ll help you lead with intention and connect with those who matter most.